Just wanted to ask everyone to pray about my medication, Sutent. I am waiting now for special forms to arrive in the mail from Dr Flaherty's office to sign and return. Those will then be used by a third party company (forget the name of it) which will investigate my insurance coverage etc and assist us in getting the medication as soon as possible and for the lowest cost. I have been warned that although we have good insurance coverage with low co-pays for prescriptions, out of formulary and chemotherapy type drugs can be a whole different situation. Although some Personal Choice plans do cover it well, other patients have been shocked to learn that the cost is VERY VERY high.
So, please pray that this process would go smoothly and that the correct information will be found with a minimum of hassle and delay. They said it is possible for me to get the med by the end of next week if all goes well. If the cost is prohibitive I do not know what we will do.
I do not have to see Dr Flaherty until I complete one full cycle of the med, since I already got the CT scan and labs done in advance. ;-) and they say that I should only have to come in about every 6 weeks during treatment which is great - I was hoping not to have to drive to Penn 30 times in the next year!
On that note I did DRIVE for the first time last evening - just to CVS - but it showed me that I CAN do it. It was very uncomfortable though, I will admit. So I think I will keep on sticking around home as much as I can for another week or two and only drive if I have no other choice for now.
On a separate note, our lost income business insurance company told our lawyer yesterday that we would have an official response to our 2+ year old claim by today. We will believe that when we see it! Please pray that God would soon bring this insurance nightmare to an end...... we doubt though that the response today will be "sure we will pay you all that we owe you right away with no hassles"..... But GOD COULD DO THAT!
Love,
Karen
Friday, July 27, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Back from Vacation!
We had a wonderful but not so relaxing time at the beach. :-) After all there were TWENTY-FIVE people there! Haha! It really was a nice time. The house was lovely, with a beautiful view of the ocean from the second and third floor balconies. I had a chance to walk almost everyday, and was very proud of myself for going more than a mile up the boardwalk the first night (the part without any stores started right near our house) and was still able to walk all the way back home! Other days I took evening or morning walks on the beach or on the boardwalk, sometimes twice a day. Plus usually a trip across the dunes to the beach to watch the kids play and swim. It was a busy time with something to do morning, afternoon and evening, and I was pretty exhausted once we got back home, but it felt good to "get away from it all".
Sunday I made it through two church services for the first time and what a blessing to see a wonderful presentation of the Lighthouse Project Orphan Hosting program. Thirteen precious kids ages 8 to 15 came for an 11 day visit with families from area churches. Many of the families are interested in adopting the children that they hosted. PRAISE GOD for each and every child's time here and for the hope of a family for them. Our Anya made us so proud by talking to the Russian government official who was here with the children, and also reaching out to the 15 and 13 year old girls who were visiting, trying to make them feel more comfortable and welcome.
After a catch up day on Sunday afternoon (wow were we tired - and Charles ended up at the doctor on Monday with a sinus infection - no wonder he had a headache for a week!).... anyway, after a catch up and laundry day on Sunday it was back to the routine on Monday.
Kristen took me for my CT scan and labwork on Monday. The CT scan was a little rough - didn't know I would have to drink a "gallon" of barium! They had some trouble starting the IV to give me the contrast, then it started leaking in the middle of the scan - tons of fun! Anyway I got the results today and all is well! This was meant to be just a baseline post-op CT scan to see what everything looks like in there now that the tumors are removed. It will be used to compare future CT scans to. Although I was not too worried that any reoccurrence of the cancer would show up this soon, it was certainly reassuring to see the words "no evidence of metastatic disease" on that report!
Today (Tuesday) I saw the lung surgeon Dr Carp, and my primary doctor, Dr Haab. Oh, I forgot to mention something about the vacation...... the doctors and nurses had told me still not to drive,
not to lift more than 5 lbs, not to stretch and bend too much etc.
But they forgot to tell me not to run from water balloon games when your 3 yr old nephew decides to turn the hose on you while videotaping from the second floor balcony at the shore house! (who would have thought of that?)...... so I DID run from the hose, trying to protect the video camera of course... and I fell FLAT and HARD right on my entire incision. WOW did that hurt. This was last Tuesday. I have been very sore ever since, having a hard time sleeping again, just aching a lot, especially toward the center of my rib cage (below and to the right of the sternum). The CT scan did not show any rib fractures but Dr Carp said that they cut the cartilage of the rib cage during surgery and I likely split / cracked that cartilage when I fell. So this was a bit of a setback as I was starting to be able to do more but now need to take it back a step and re-heal a little bit. My stamina is better and I am walking more and more though, so that really is an encouragement.
My primary doctor feels I am stablized now and I don't need to come back for 3 months unless there is a problem. My blood pressure (on half the prior dose of meds) and lab work is stable. Kidney function tests are good. Anemia is resolving slowly.
Charles and I have decided that I will go ahead and take the targeted therapy, Sutent. My preference is to use Dr Keith Flaherty at Univ of Penn. He was very thorough and knowledgable when I went there for a second opinion, giving us plenty of time and care, lots of very up to date information and data, logical comparisons of the pluses and minuses of being treated now rather than "watchful waiting" as Fox Chase was leaning. He gives us no false hope though - this medication has only been proven to be effective in slowing tumor growth in more advanced Renal Cell Carcinoma patients. It has not been proven or approved by the FDA for preventing a reoccurence of Renal Cell Carcinoma in cases exactly like mine. (it is in testing phase now on similar patients though) This is called adjuvent (sp?) therapy - a "just in case there are microscopic cells trying to rear their ugly heads" approach. Adjuvent therapy is used in many other types of cancer using various meds, but has not been fully studied yet for Renal Cell Carcinoma medications. Anyway, for many reasons, we have decided that this is the best route for me to take at this time.
So, I am waiting now for a repeat appt with Dr Flaherty, and hoping to start the medication ASAP. It is pills given on a 4 weeks on / 2 weeks off cycle. I will likely need to take it for a year. Side effects are fatigue, stomach upset and diarrhea, mouth sores, a few other lovely things but not as bad as "chemo". It usually hits the hardest in the first cycle and then after that is more tolerable. So I would like to get that first cycle overwith during August before school begins. That is an item for prayer.
PRAISE GOD for our excellent medical insurance. My initial hospital bill was astronomical as I expected, and my ongoing care will be costly, but we have invested in a great Blue Cross Personal Choice policy for about 8 years now and we have no concerns about the medical bills at this time. There could be some static about them paying for the Sutent since it is being prescribed "off label" for a slightly different purpose than the FDA approval, but we are hopeful that will not be a problem.
Lastly things are falling together for the kids schooling in the fall. I have some info now on some classes that I think will work for the kids to suppliment their homeschooling and take a little pressure off me. Some things still to be finalized but I can see that God will provide what we need (duh - I am a slow learner aren't I?)
Thank you so much for continuing to read this blog - so many people tell me they read it, even though there are not a lot of comments left these days I know you are "out there" checking on me. What a BLESSING to have so many people caring for us, and caring about me! PLEASE do not stop praying. This is a nasty cancer and although at the moment I am happy to be in action mode here trying to do something about it, I know that the bottom line is that my life is the Lord's to do with as He chooses. I pray that I will remain cancer free and be able to see my children grow up and my grandkids born (or adopted!) too. Please pray with me that God will grant me that privilege and that He will use this cancer and this difficult time to grow me and mature me and use our family journey as a blessing to others.
Love,
Karen
ps - Please pray that our attorney can get our insurance company to pay this claim that they have stalled on for 2+ years!!!!!!! ARGH!!
Sunday I made it through two church services for the first time and what a blessing to see a wonderful presentation of the Lighthouse Project Orphan Hosting program. Thirteen precious kids ages 8 to 15 came for an 11 day visit with families from area churches. Many of the families are interested in adopting the children that they hosted. PRAISE GOD for each and every child's time here and for the hope of a family for them. Our Anya made us so proud by talking to the Russian government official who was here with the children, and also reaching out to the 15 and 13 year old girls who were visiting, trying to make them feel more comfortable and welcome.
After a catch up day on Sunday afternoon (wow were we tired - and Charles ended up at the doctor on Monday with a sinus infection - no wonder he had a headache for a week!).... anyway, after a catch up and laundry day on Sunday it was back to the routine on Monday.
Kristen took me for my CT scan and labwork on Monday. The CT scan was a little rough - didn't know I would have to drink a "gallon" of barium! They had some trouble starting the IV to give me the contrast, then it started leaking in the middle of the scan - tons of fun! Anyway I got the results today and all is well! This was meant to be just a baseline post-op CT scan to see what everything looks like in there now that the tumors are removed. It will be used to compare future CT scans to. Although I was not too worried that any reoccurrence of the cancer would show up this soon, it was certainly reassuring to see the words "no evidence of metastatic disease" on that report!
Today (Tuesday) I saw the lung surgeon Dr Carp, and my primary doctor, Dr Haab. Oh, I forgot to mention something about the vacation...... the doctors and nurses had told me still not to drive,
not to lift more than 5 lbs, not to stretch and bend too much etc.
But they forgot to tell me not to run from water balloon games when your 3 yr old nephew decides to turn the hose on you while videotaping from the second floor balcony at the shore house! (who would have thought of that?)...... so I DID run from the hose, trying to protect the video camera of course... and I fell FLAT and HARD right on my entire incision. WOW did that hurt. This was last Tuesday. I have been very sore ever since, having a hard time sleeping again, just aching a lot, especially toward the center of my rib cage (below and to the right of the sternum). The CT scan did not show any rib fractures but Dr Carp said that they cut the cartilage of the rib cage during surgery and I likely split / cracked that cartilage when I fell. So this was a bit of a setback as I was starting to be able to do more but now need to take it back a step and re-heal a little bit. My stamina is better and I am walking more and more though, so that really is an encouragement.
My primary doctor feels I am stablized now and I don't need to come back for 3 months unless there is a problem. My blood pressure (on half the prior dose of meds) and lab work is stable. Kidney function tests are good. Anemia is resolving slowly.
Charles and I have decided that I will go ahead and take the targeted therapy, Sutent. My preference is to use Dr Keith Flaherty at Univ of Penn. He was very thorough and knowledgable when I went there for a second opinion, giving us plenty of time and care, lots of very up to date information and data, logical comparisons of the pluses and minuses of being treated now rather than "watchful waiting" as Fox Chase was leaning. He gives us no false hope though - this medication has only been proven to be effective in slowing tumor growth in more advanced Renal Cell Carcinoma patients. It has not been proven or approved by the FDA for preventing a reoccurence of Renal Cell Carcinoma in cases exactly like mine. (it is in testing phase now on similar patients though) This is called adjuvent (sp?) therapy - a "just in case there are microscopic cells trying to rear their ugly heads" approach. Adjuvent therapy is used in many other types of cancer using various meds, but has not been fully studied yet for Renal Cell Carcinoma medications. Anyway, for many reasons, we have decided that this is the best route for me to take at this time.
So, I am waiting now for a repeat appt with Dr Flaherty, and hoping to start the medication ASAP. It is pills given on a 4 weeks on / 2 weeks off cycle. I will likely need to take it for a year. Side effects are fatigue, stomach upset and diarrhea, mouth sores, a few other lovely things but not as bad as "chemo". It usually hits the hardest in the first cycle and then after that is more tolerable. So I would like to get that first cycle overwith during August before school begins. That is an item for prayer.
PRAISE GOD for our excellent medical insurance. My initial hospital bill was astronomical as I expected, and my ongoing care will be costly, but we have invested in a great Blue Cross Personal Choice policy for about 8 years now and we have no concerns about the medical bills at this time. There could be some static about them paying for the Sutent since it is being prescribed "off label" for a slightly different purpose than the FDA approval, but we are hopeful that will not be a problem.
Lastly things are falling together for the kids schooling in the fall. I have some info now on some classes that I think will work for the kids to suppliment their homeschooling and take a little pressure off me. Some things still to be finalized but I can see that God will provide what we need (duh - I am a slow learner aren't I?)
Thank you so much for continuing to read this blog - so many people tell me they read it, even though there are not a lot of comments left these days I know you are "out there" checking on me. What a BLESSING to have so many people caring for us, and caring about me! PLEASE do not stop praying. This is a nasty cancer and although at the moment I am happy to be in action mode here trying to do something about it, I know that the bottom line is that my life is the Lord's to do with as He chooses. I pray that I will remain cancer free and be able to see my children grow up and my grandkids born (or adopted!) too. Please pray with me that God will grant me that privilege and that He will use this cancer and this difficult time to grow me and mature me and use our family journey as a blessing to others.
Love,
Karen
ps - Please pray that our attorney can get our insurance company to pay this claim that they have stalled on for 2+ years!!!!!!! ARGH!!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Busy Week
Well we are almost packed for the shore but have a lot of household stuff left to do - the lawn is cut but the water in our huge fish tank needs to be changed, vacuuming done, pool cleaned ETC ETC ETC... I am EXHAUSTED and have to tie up at least some of the loose ends on the homeschool portfolios tomorrow. I guess Anne will take them 90% finished and let me do my obsessive fixes after vacation ( will you Anne? ).
Visits at Fox Chase and Penn went well. Took 4+ hours each including travel, parking, waiting, registering .... but it was worth the time spent. Fox Chase/Dr Hudes was informative but slightly more conservative, Penn/Dr Flaherty much more technical and very "on the cutting edge", and a little more aggressive in his viewpoint on treatment. These were really only slight differences even so, as both Drs agree on Sutent as the most appropriate medication for me, and both agree that it is not proven yet to be a sure benefit. One leans a little more toward a "wait and see" approach, the other slightly toward a "treat incase it might help you" point of view. Both agree that it would be reasonable to lean either way, given the scientific data to date on this medication and it's success rate, since it is a very new mediation and still in clinical trials.
I will have a repeat round of CT scans the week after next to establish a baseline, and would start treatment in the next few weeks if we decide to go ahead at this time. Meanwhile I have a bit more healing to do, and I need to build up my stamina and strength.
I have been doing pretty well this week, most of my fear has been masked by the activity level and so much to do. Plus, I guess DOING something about my fear by finally getting these second opinions is comforting in a way. That WAITING thing is not my favorite game!
I have been able to sleep in my own bed all week, although I often do wake up at least once and have some trouble falling back to sleep, and I am a little stiff when I get up. My friend Barbara D brought me a "memory foam" mattress cover and it is WONDERFUL. When I lay down on it I feel so comfy and cozy I don't want to move, it just settles me right in. (THANK YOU Barbara!) The meals were a lifesaver this week. We never could have done all that needed to be done this week without them.
So, thank you all for praying for us and supporting us in all that is going on in our lives. Please pray that we do have a restful vacation, and that I am able to recouperate yet build my strength. I am looking forward to lots of walks in that wonderful ocean breeze! And pray for Charles and I as we pray about and discuss the treatment recommendations and come to a decision on it, that we have total peace and unity. Pray also for our discussions about how to approach the children's schooling this fall, as we have much to consider in that regard also.
Pray also for our children to have a wonderful time. We have not been able to do many special treats or any vacations in a few years because of Charles' truck accident and the insuing financial hit from that, so this trip is a real blessing for our children. We are so grateful to my mom and dad for giving all their kids and grandkids this wonderfully generous gift - after all it is THEIR anniversary and WE get the perks!
Visits at Fox Chase and Penn went well. Took 4+ hours each including travel, parking, waiting, registering .... but it was worth the time spent. Fox Chase/Dr Hudes was informative but slightly more conservative, Penn/Dr Flaherty much more technical and very "on the cutting edge", and a little more aggressive in his viewpoint on treatment. These were really only slight differences even so, as both Drs agree on Sutent as the most appropriate medication for me, and both agree that it is not proven yet to be a sure benefit. One leans a little more toward a "wait and see" approach, the other slightly toward a "treat incase it might help you" point of view. Both agree that it would be reasonable to lean either way, given the scientific data to date on this medication and it's success rate, since it is a very new mediation and still in clinical trials.
I will have a repeat round of CT scans the week after next to establish a baseline, and would start treatment in the next few weeks if we decide to go ahead at this time. Meanwhile I have a bit more healing to do, and I need to build up my stamina and strength.
I have been doing pretty well this week, most of my fear has been masked by the activity level and so much to do. Plus, I guess DOING something about my fear by finally getting these second opinions is comforting in a way. That WAITING thing is not my favorite game!
I have been able to sleep in my own bed all week, although I often do wake up at least once and have some trouble falling back to sleep, and I am a little stiff when I get up. My friend Barbara D brought me a "memory foam" mattress cover and it is WONDERFUL. When I lay down on it I feel so comfy and cozy I don't want to move, it just settles me right in. (THANK YOU Barbara!) The meals were a lifesaver this week. We never could have done all that needed to be done this week without them.
So, thank you all for praying for us and supporting us in all that is going on in our lives. Please pray that we do have a restful vacation, and that I am able to recouperate yet build my strength. I am looking forward to lots of walks in that wonderful ocean breeze! And pray for Charles and I as we pray about and discuss the treatment recommendations and come to a decision on it, that we have total peace and unity. Pray also for our discussions about how to approach the children's schooling this fall, as we have much to consider in that regard also.
Pray also for our children to have a wonderful time. We have not been able to do many special treats or any vacations in a few years because of Charles' truck accident and the insuing financial hit from that, so this trip is a real blessing for our children. We are so grateful to my mom and dad for giving all their kids and grandkids this wonderfully generous gift - after all it is THEIR anniversary and WE get the perks!
Monday, July 9, 2007
THE WEEK IN REVIEW
Dear friends,
It as been another week of recovery - nothing too exciting to report except a slow and steady climb. I have been able to sleep in our own bed for the last few nights. I am not quite as comfortable as in the lazy boy but I am HAPPIER to be in my own bed so it is worth it. I have still woken up at least once a night, sometimes several times, but I find it much easier to fall asleep again because I am not all alone in the living room. I still need rest times during the day in the lazy boy although I am trying not to nap so that I am tired enough to sleep all night. A few times I pushed myself a little too much and ended up having trouble falling asleep. The normalcy of doing things and having visitors is good for me emotionally so please pray I can find a balance in it all. I went to the July 4th parade and we enjoyed a nice visit with the Mitchell family afterwards, which was a blessing and a lot of fun, albeit mostly from a comfy lawn chair!
This coming week is very busy, with Fox Chase on Tuesday, Penn on Thursday, homeschool records to finish, and shore prep to do. Please pray that I can pace myself and be wise in the way I use my energy and time, that I would not overdo, that the information we get from these new doctors would be clear and understandable, and that we would have peace in the decisions we need to make about further treatment. I have still had waves of fear, which are very difficult. As I have said before, I know the God CAN heal me, but I have to also come to grips with the fact that He might not choose to do so for whatever His purposes might be. Pray that I would find comfort in knowing that the Lord knows the future even though I don't, and loves me and my family, no matter what the outcome. I think it's still OK that we ASK FOR HEALING though, don't you? :-)
Kristen helped the kids and I make a lot of progress on the homeschool records, Melissa having started getting some of the kids' reports edited the week before. Actually I didn't do that much yet personally, but once everything was gathered together and sorted I was able to help one notebook at a time from a comfy chair while the kids brought me stuff to do! We will work on this again M T W and hopefully wind it up before the end of the week. I am doing a lot of thinking (Ok worrying, I admit it!) about what we should do about the kids' schooling in the fall, whether we can or should suppliment their homeschooling with a few more outside the home classes this year, how I will be feeling, what we can afford as far as classes etc. Please pray for us in this decision making process, that the Lord will give us wisdom to do what is best for each child and for my own health.
Thank you all for standing with us - for the continued meals and help in so many ways, and mostly for PRAYING for us. We are going to keep needing prayer for a LONG time so please don't stop!
Love,
Karen
ps - We also continue to wait while our insurance company stalls and stalls on paying our loss of income claim from Charles' truck accident over 2 years ago (he was the passenger and hit from the rear by a tractor trailer). We are also waiting for Judge Allen in Phila. Court to rule on our hearing about this same accident (she said 5-7 days and its been 6-7 wks). These two financial stresses are very burdensome and we so wish we could be relieved of this. Thank you so much.
It as been another week of recovery - nothing too exciting to report except a slow and steady climb. I have been able to sleep in our own bed for the last few nights. I am not quite as comfortable as in the lazy boy but I am HAPPIER to be in my own bed so it is worth it. I have still woken up at least once a night, sometimes several times, but I find it much easier to fall asleep again because I am not all alone in the living room. I still need rest times during the day in the lazy boy although I am trying not to nap so that I am tired enough to sleep all night. A few times I pushed myself a little too much and ended up having trouble falling asleep. The normalcy of doing things and having visitors is good for me emotionally so please pray I can find a balance in it all. I went to the July 4th parade and we enjoyed a nice visit with the Mitchell family afterwards, which was a blessing and a lot of fun, albeit mostly from a comfy lawn chair!
This coming week is very busy, with Fox Chase on Tuesday, Penn on Thursday, homeschool records to finish, and shore prep to do. Please pray that I can pace myself and be wise in the way I use my energy and time, that I would not overdo, that the information we get from these new doctors would be clear and understandable, and that we would have peace in the decisions we need to make about further treatment. I have still had waves of fear, which are very difficult. As I have said before, I know the God CAN heal me, but I have to also come to grips with the fact that He might not choose to do so for whatever His purposes might be. Pray that I would find comfort in knowing that the Lord knows the future even though I don't, and loves me and my family, no matter what the outcome. I think it's still OK that we ASK FOR HEALING though, don't you? :-)
Kristen helped the kids and I make a lot of progress on the homeschool records, Melissa having started getting some of the kids' reports edited the week before. Actually I didn't do that much yet personally, but once everything was gathered together and sorted I was able to help one notebook at a time from a comfy chair while the kids brought me stuff to do! We will work on this again M T W and hopefully wind it up before the end of the week. I am doing a lot of thinking (Ok worrying, I admit it!) about what we should do about the kids' schooling in the fall, whether we can or should suppliment their homeschooling with a few more outside the home classes this year, how I will be feeling, what we can afford as far as classes etc. Please pray for us in this decision making process, that the Lord will give us wisdom to do what is best for each child and for my own health.
Thank you all for standing with us - for the continued meals and help in so many ways, and mostly for PRAYING for us. We are going to keep needing prayer for a LONG time so please don't stop!
Love,
Karen
ps - We also continue to wait while our insurance company stalls and stalls on paying our loss of income claim from Charles' truck accident over 2 years ago (he was the passenger and hit from the rear by a tractor trailer). We are also waiting for Judge Allen in Phila. Court to rule on our hearing about this same accident (she said 5-7 days and its been 6-7 wks). These two financial stresses are very burdensome and we so wish we could be relieved of this. Thank you so much.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Church
Last week the visiting nurse said she strongly recommended I did not try to go to church yet, I would become too exhausted, my immunity was too low, my hemoglobin still low, my body too weak, I would risk catching a virus on top of the job of healing, etc. So when she came again on Tuesday I didn't ask her if THIS week would be ok to go to church - teehee. I just waited to see how I felt and I do feel stronger than a week ago, and I was really needing to get out of the house. Emotionally, I have not been able to do so many "normal" things, I just really miss it. And I hadn't been to church since May 27th! Charles and I decided my physical protection wasn't as important now as my emotional and spiritual well-being, and I was a week stronger, right?
So I got to go to the worship service today. Unfortunately the service wasn't the most cheerful since the sermon and music were on the minor prophet Amos and crying out to the Lord in repentance and such - OH BOY! Wish I had come on a "Daniel in the Lion's Den" week! But it was great to be there, to be out and about, to be hugged by some dear friends...... and church attendance was a bit low due to the holiday so my visiting nurse will be happy I was not attacked by 100 germ carrying huggers!
After church I rested at my brother and his wife's home until the rest of my family finished their classes, nursery helper jobs etc and then we had a nice lunch and quiet visit together. All my kids were there, even the married ones and their husbands. And my brother's lazy-boy is as comfy as mine but the change of scenery and all the wonderful kids playing and stuff was very therapeutic for me. We even brought two nieces home to sleepover. They are making my kids happy and playing so nicely together - it makes things seem almost "normal" again.
This week I hope to feel up to going to the famous downtown Broomall July 4th parade. I threatened to make Charles and the kids drive my lazy-boy up to West Chester Pike and plant me there. Now THAT's a way to embarrass your teenagers! No, a lawn chair will be fine for a few hours.
Please pray for me this week as I have still had some waves of fear about the future that really drag me down. I know this is a phase I am going through that I have to get past. I look forward to being back in the peaceful place of comfort and complete trust in God's care for me that I was in prior to surgery, so please pray that I would allow the Lord to give me that peace. My fleshly type A gotta be in control self is fighting valiantly against the peace that I need. And my "nurse lady, investigate all the options, get Penn to give me an appointment the day after the Fox Chase appointment" self is just adding to that stress. I need to let go and let God lead the way. Not that I will not still call for info and such. I just need to stop striving to fix this cancer myself and decide that I am in the Lord's hands. Easier said than done but I know HE can teach me to do it, even though I am a slow learner on this one! I am sure it will be an ongoing struggle that I have to repeatedly turn over to Him.
Otherwise, on a practical note, I want to get moving more. I have figured out that I have to walk around a lot more. Even though I am not supposed to lift and twist and bend or do any heavy things at all, I CAN WALK and really I am uncomfortable if I sit too long in many kinds of chairs anyway. So I think I need to try to move around a lot more each day to start building up my stamina again. I will feel better emotionally that way too, I am sure. Only one appt this week at my family doctor for a BP check and bloodwork. Next week I have Fox Chase and hopefully Penn appts which will give us a lot more info about what to do about treatment.
THANK YOU all for continuing to hold us together - the meals 5 days this week were a HUGE help. We really needed it. And the leftovers are almost gone - kept us fed for lunches and the weekend! Next week meals each day too, and then hopefully after that i will be a little more on top of things so we will be back to three a week.
I am starting a scripture journal for my journey - if you have ideas feel free to post on the blog or send to my regular email. I know they would be an encouragement to me.
Love,
Karen
So I got to go to the worship service today. Unfortunately the service wasn't the most cheerful since the sermon and music were on the minor prophet Amos and crying out to the Lord in repentance and such - OH BOY! Wish I had come on a "Daniel in the Lion's Den" week! But it was great to be there, to be out and about, to be hugged by some dear friends...... and church attendance was a bit low due to the holiday so my visiting nurse will be happy I was not attacked by 100 germ carrying huggers!
After church I rested at my brother and his wife's home until the rest of my family finished their classes, nursery helper jobs etc and then we had a nice lunch and quiet visit together. All my kids were there, even the married ones and their husbands. And my brother's lazy-boy is as comfy as mine but the change of scenery and all the wonderful kids playing and stuff was very therapeutic for me. We even brought two nieces home to sleepover. They are making my kids happy and playing so nicely together - it makes things seem almost "normal" again.
This week I hope to feel up to going to the famous downtown Broomall July 4th parade. I threatened to make Charles and the kids drive my lazy-boy up to West Chester Pike and plant me there. Now THAT's a way to embarrass your teenagers! No, a lawn chair will be fine for a few hours.
Please pray for me this week as I have still had some waves of fear about the future that really drag me down. I know this is a phase I am going through that I have to get past. I look forward to being back in the peaceful place of comfort and complete trust in God's care for me that I was in prior to surgery, so please pray that I would allow the Lord to give me that peace. My fleshly type A gotta be in control self is fighting valiantly against the peace that I need. And my "nurse lady, investigate all the options, get Penn to give me an appointment the day after the Fox Chase appointment" self is just adding to that stress. I need to let go and let God lead the way. Not that I will not still call for info and such. I just need to stop striving to fix this cancer myself and decide that I am in the Lord's hands. Easier said than done but I know HE can teach me to do it, even though I am a slow learner on this one! I am sure it will be an ongoing struggle that I have to repeatedly turn over to Him.
Otherwise, on a practical note, I want to get moving more. I have figured out that I have to walk around a lot more. Even though I am not supposed to lift and twist and bend or do any heavy things at all, I CAN WALK and really I am uncomfortable if I sit too long in many kinds of chairs anyway. So I think I need to try to move around a lot more each day to start building up my stamina again. I will feel better emotionally that way too, I am sure. Only one appt this week at my family doctor for a BP check and bloodwork. Next week I have Fox Chase and hopefully Penn appts which will give us a lot more info about what to do about treatment.
THANK YOU all for continuing to hold us together - the meals 5 days this week were a HUGE help. We really needed it. And the leftovers are almost gone - kept us fed for lunches and the weekend! Next week meals each day too, and then hopefully after that i will be a little more on top of things so we will be back to three a week.
I am starting a scripture journal for my journey - if you have ideas feel free to post on the blog or send to my regular email. I know they would be an encouragement to me.
Love,
Karen
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