We met with my kidney surgeon today. As my oncologist warned might happen, and we suspect will concur with, the surgeon wants to wait three months to see if this mysterious spot really is growing / really is cancer. For now it is of no immediate danger and is too small to spread yet if it is cancer. And... maybe it isn't? Maybe...... :-/
Removing the new nodule by "freezing it, cooking it, or cutting it out" (oi vey!), presents too much risk of possibly damaging my only kidney, than the threat this 1cm nodule poses at this point, by leaving it alone and watching it to see if it changes or not, and if so how quickly. He said that the possibility of metastisis from the first cancer, since it was massively huge (15.5 cm as opposed to this one which is 1cm - and we KNOW that the first one definitely spread to my lung before) is still a more likely threat, than is this new spot on my other kidney for now. Kidney cancer can spread up to 15 years after the first occurrence. There is no statute of limitations. The lung spots, if they are cancer, would be mets from the first tumor 4.5 years ago, not from this new kidney nodule, and the lung nodules are not growing at all right now. So, we wait, and see what all these things look like in 3 months. MAYBE the lung and kidney nodules are all cancer or maybe they are not .... we just don't know yet. SIGH.
I know God wants me to learn to just trust HIM for the future and stop trying to control everything!!!! :-( He is giving me the message loud and clear that I just have to WAIT and TRUST that whatever the future holds; I am not in charge of it. He is.
For many years when I saw the "Serenity Prayer" I just didn't GET IT . Now I know that I need to read it over and over all day long! Please pray I will learn to just rest in God's control and not my own.
"God, Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference."
Thank you for praying for me. I certainly need it!
Monday, November 21, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Rough Day
Thursday was a hard day for our family as I learned that my periodic follow-up MRIs showed a 1cm 'nodule' on my left, and only, kidney. There is near certainty that this will be cancer as was the tumor which caused me to lose my right kidney 4 1/2 years ago. Most likely it is a new cancer, not a metastases, from what the oncologist said. So, both of my kidneys, it now appears, are prone to producing cancer cells. but I do not, however, carry the gene for a genetic predisposition to kidney cancer (my biological children are thankful for THAT!) The right kidney tumor was 15.5 cm when discovered, and had spread to a 1cm mets on my R lower lung. This one is MUCH smaller, which is certainly a praise, but of course no tumors are good news.
I will see my kidney surgeon at Lankenau next week. He had already seen the report that was cc'd to him before hearing from my Penn Oncologist today. They both will be gathering information and discussing options. The Penn Doc knows and has great respect for my Lankenau surgeon which was comforting. If necessary I will seek other opinions also. Since the 'nodule' is small, we are hopeful that it has not metastasized and can be removed relatively easily. However, since I only have one kidney it is vitally important that my kidney tissue and function be preserved as much as possible and that surgery be conservative and extremely well planned and thought out.
In addition I have had 3 measurable (2mm, 3mm, 3mm) spots on my R and L upper lung x 3 scans since April, which have not changed in size at all, plus 2 spots they call "ditzels" meaning they are almost too small to measure. All of the lung spots are still too small to be biopsied or removed, These may be nothing, as benign lung spots are not that uncommon, and they have not changed in size in the last 7-8 months. However, in light now of the kidney nodule, these are also now under more suspicion. So, we will be watching the lung spots even more closely, and reconsidering as we go along, what if any action needs to be taken about them.
There is a lot we don't know yet, and taking it one day at a time will be VERY hard. But, what we DO know is that God is still God, and that He loves us, and that He will use this trial, along with many other trials our family has faced in the last 5 or so years, for HIS GLORY and to refine and strengthen our faith. Please pray for me and for my family, that we would learn the lessons God continues to teach us and that we would depend on Him for our joy, no matter what our circumstances.
I am grateful today for our medical insurance and the excellent doctors and hospitals I am blessed to have access to, and most importantly for loving friends and family who surround us and pray for us.
Thank you all so much!
Karen
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
~Romans 15:13
I will see my kidney surgeon at Lankenau next week. He had already seen the report that was cc'd to him before hearing from my Penn Oncologist today. They both will be gathering information and discussing options. The Penn Doc knows and has great respect for my Lankenau surgeon which was comforting. If necessary I will seek other opinions also. Since the 'nodule' is small, we are hopeful that it has not metastasized and can be removed relatively easily. However, since I only have one kidney it is vitally important that my kidney tissue and function be preserved as much as possible and that surgery be conservative and extremely well planned and thought out.
In addition I have had 3 measurable (2mm, 3mm, 3mm) spots on my R and L upper lung x 3 scans since April, which have not changed in size at all, plus 2 spots they call "ditzels" meaning they are almost too small to measure. All of the lung spots are still too small to be biopsied or removed, These may be nothing, as benign lung spots are not that uncommon, and they have not changed in size in the last 7-8 months. However, in light now of the kidney nodule, these are also now under more suspicion. So, we will be watching the lung spots even more closely, and reconsidering as we go along, what if any action needs to be taken about them.
There is a lot we don't know yet, and taking it one day at a time will be VERY hard. But, what we DO know is that God is still God, and that He loves us, and that He will use this trial, along with many other trials our family has faced in the last 5 or so years, for HIS GLORY and to refine and strengthen our faith. Please pray for me and for my family, that we would learn the lessons God continues to teach us and that we would depend on Him for our joy, no matter what our circumstances.
I am grateful today for our medical insurance and the excellent doctors and hospitals I am blessed to have access to, and most importantly for loving friends and family who surround us and pray for us.
Thank you all so much!
Karen
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
~Romans 15:13
Friday, July 1, 2011
Nodules "Stable"
For those who do not know, in June 2007 I was suddenly diagnosed with stage IV Kidney cancer which had spread to one spot on my lung. My kidney with its large tumor, and a small section of my lung, were removed at that time. I took chemo for a year to hopefully prevent a recurrence. I have had routine follow-up scans to watch for a recurrence, which have been all clear for almost 4 years. In April, the CT scan showed 3 small spots on my lungs, as well as 2 'ditzels' (too small to measure). I was devastated!
This Monday, I had a 3 month repeat CT scan at Lankenau. Monday evening my family doctor intercepted the report and called and left a short message, "Karen, the nodules are stable, this is very good news!". That was an initial help from my MAJOR anxiety that had been building for the last three months!
I saw my oncologist at Penn Thursday afternoon. I was hoping she would say, "Ok, since the spots did not change, they 'definitely' are not cancer". Of course she didn't say that! Well, she said they PROBABLY are not cancer. The chances are better and better that they are not cancer every time we scan and they have not grown. But, really, who knows? They might be cancer that is dormant / indolent, which might never grow, might be attacked and shrunken by my own immune system, might stay this size forever.... might.... might ..... might..... Or, they could be scarring from reflux or an allergy or a fungal infection, or a cause we will never know.
Lung nodules of this small size are not that uncommon in the general population. They are too small to even be seen on x-ray. Only CT scans would have picked them up. In those with no cancer history, they would be of little concern and would only receive follow-up 12-18 months later. But, of course I am at high risk, so we will keep watching to see what they do. So, another CT scan in 4 months, and on we go, spreading out the interval between scans if they do not change, treating them if they do change.
So I am trying to go back to the "get on with your life until told otherwise" approach that I WAS in up until the April scans threw me for a loop. :-/
The last three months of waiting were very hard! FEAR really tried to overtake me. I wanted to be ready to accept bad news, and ready to rejoice in good news, and it is really HARD to be in both those places emotionally at the same time. God, in His providence, provided many 'distractions' to keep my from being overwhelmed by fear, including an imploded water heater which flooded our family room and schoolroom on May 13th. It was a blessing in disguise, really. Homeowners insurance reimbursed us for all the removal of carpet and potentially wet drywall, trim and insulation, and the repairs. We had been having trouble with the drainage from the washer and basement shower and so since all the rest was ripped out, Charles started jack-hammering the basement floor out until he found and repaired a large section of sewer pipe from the laundry room and bathroom and redid the concrete over it all (32 bags of concrete on a Saturday - we know how to have a fun 'date night'.... yikes!) Anyway my house is torn apart and furniture from family room is stashed in every other part of the house until we can finish all this work! But, it did take my mind off my cancer scare a bit! Thank you Lord!
THANK YOU for praying for me through this difficult time! Please keep praying, of course I want these spots not to be cancer, and hopefully they are not. But I really need to learn to live each day not knowing, but trusting that God is God no matter what. I know He can choose to heal me from cancer forever, or allow chemo to be a part of my life for a long time, or allow the cancer to take me to heaven, and I want to be faithful to Him no matter what He allows. Still, fear is a battle that goes on in my heart and I would love to win that battle! My ladies' Bible Study topic this week was on fear - how about that! Guess He really wants me to learn this lesson!
Love
Karen
Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
This Monday, I had a 3 month repeat CT scan at Lankenau. Monday evening my family doctor intercepted the report and called and left a short message, "Karen, the nodules are stable, this is very good news!". That was an initial help from my MAJOR anxiety that had been building for the last three months!
I saw my oncologist at Penn Thursday afternoon. I was hoping she would say, "Ok, since the spots did not change, they 'definitely' are not cancer". Of course she didn't say that! Well, she said they PROBABLY are not cancer. The chances are better and better that they are not cancer every time we scan and they have not grown. But, really, who knows? They might be cancer that is dormant / indolent, which might never grow, might be attacked and shrunken by my own immune system, might stay this size forever.... might.... might ..... might..... Or, they could be scarring from reflux or an allergy or a fungal infection, or a cause we will never know.
Lung nodules of this small size are not that uncommon in the general population. They are too small to even be seen on x-ray. Only CT scans would have picked them up. In those with no cancer history, they would be of little concern and would only receive follow-up 12-18 months later. But, of course I am at high risk, so we will keep watching to see what they do. So, another CT scan in 4 months, and on we go, spreading out the interval between scans if they do not change, treating them if they do change.
So I am trying to go back to the "get on with your life until told otherwise" approach that I WAS in up until the April scans threw me for a loop. :-/
The last three months of waiting were very hard! FEAR really tried to overtake me. I wanted to be ready to accept bad news, and ready to rejoice in good news, and it is really HARD to be in both those places emotionally at the same time. God, in His providence, provided many 'distractions' to keep my from being overwhelmed by fear, including an imploded water heater which flooded our family room and schoolroom on May 13th. It was a blessing in disguise, really. Homeowners insurance reimbursed us for all the removal of carpet and potentially wet drywall, trim and insulation, and the repairs. We had been having trouble with the drainage from the washer and basement shower and so since all the rest was ripped out, Charles started jack-hammering the basement floor out until he found and repaired a large section of sewer pipe from the laundry room and bathroom and redid the concrete over it all (32 bags of concrete on a Saturday - we know how to have a fun 'date night'.... yikes!) Anyway my house is torn apart and furniture from family room is stashed in every other part of the house until we can finish all this work! But, it did take my mind off my cancer scare a bit! Thank you Lord!
THANK YOU for praying for me through this difficult time! Please keep praying, of course I want these spots not to be cancer, and hopefully they are not. But I really need to learn to live each day not knowing, but trusting that God is God no matter what. I know He can choose to heal me from cancer forever, or allow chemo to be a part of my life for a long time, or allow the cancer to take me to heaven, and I want to be faithful to Him no matter what He allows. Still, fear is a battle that goes on in my heart and I would love to win that battle! My ladies' Bible Study topic this week was on fear - how about that! Guess He really wants me to learn this lesson!
Love
Karen
Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
Monday, April 25, 2011
Prayer Needed
Dear Friends,
I have not been posting on the blog much, since I have been cancer free almost 4 years now. Not sure if anyone still reads it anyway! But I do need prayer.
I had my scans at Lankenau, as usual, last week. The MRI's of abdomen and pelvis were again clear, but the CT scan of my lungs came back Tuesday and showed 3 very small spots. :-(
I was SO SAD!!!!! SO SAD!
One spot is 2mm, two of them are 3mm. There are also 2 spots that are too small to measure - about the size of a pencil dot. One of the now 3mm spots was on ALL of the prior CT scans - since my surgery actually. It has always been 2mm and was believed to be a benign scar spot or something from a foreign body maybe? or an old infection? But, now that one is 3mm. Is it due to a different slice on the CT scan which hit the measurement differently? Or is it an old benign spot which has become irritated or gathered congestion or something? Or is it a growing mets - along with the other four? :-(
I held on until Thursday (barely), and saw Dr Haas, my oncologist at Penn. She compared the actual scans, not just the reports, with the assistance of a Penn Radiologist. That radiologist said that my chances are good that the spots are NOT cancer, even though my previous metastasis was to my lung. Many people have benign spots show up in their lungs that are really not serious, such as from inhaled / aspirated particles, congestion etc. I have some reflux and post nasal drip things going on that maybe could account for something other than cancer speckling my lungs. Maybe......... Seems unlikely to ME, but they insist this is really more likely than lung metastases. :-/ The spots are too small to needle biopsy and much too small and deep to try to remove surgically, especially if in fact they are not cancer.
So, I have to wait till the last week of June, try to get the reflux and allergy (?) stuff more controlled, take good care of myself, and see if the spots grow or shrink or stay the same. If I start chemo now, and they shrink, we will not know if they would have shrunk on their own without chemo. If they shrink on their own, we will know they either were not cancer, OR my body / immune system is fighting them if they are cancer. If they grow - Dr Haas assures me that they are SO tiny there is no way 11 weeks is too long to wait to start chemo, A scan in 6-8 weeks would not show changes significant enough to be measured.
If I do need chemo, several new drugs for kidney cancer have been approved since I took Sutent. Not sure if they would try Sutent again, since maybe it worked before. Or not, since maybe it didn't work before?? :-/ Can you tell this is all a big unknown for me right now?
So, obviously, it is going to be a long 11 weeks, waiting for the next CT scan results. Please pray with and for me as I come to mind. I do not relish the thought of being on chemo again. It was HARD. And even more so, I do not want to die! I had gotten to the point of really expecting clear scans - silly me! The oncologist says I really have to look at myself as a life-long cancer patient. When the scans are clear it does not mean I am cured, it just means nothing is growing...... She gave me quite a pep talk about caring for myself and having a positive attitude and really believing I can beat this disease again if it is cancer. And meanwhile, trying to assume it is not cancer until we know otherwise.
I still know that God has had the number of my days in His book since the beginning of time, and that all of this is for His purposes, that should I die of cancer sooner or later or never have cancer again, God is STILL GOD. And I am here to do what He asks of me, one day at a time. It isn't always easy. But He never promised that!
Please also pray for Charles and the kids. These scary doctor appointments are hard on us all!
Love and thank you so much!
Karen
Prov 3:5-6
I have not been posting on the blog much, since I have been cancer free almost 4 years now. Not sure if anyone still reads it anyway! But I do need prayer.
I had my scans at Lankenau, as usual, last week. The MRI's of abdomen and pelvis were again clear, but the CT scan of my lungs came back Tuesday and showed 3 very small spots. :-(
I was SO SAD!!!!! SO SAD!
One spot is 2mm, two of them are 3mm. There are also 2 spots that are too small to measure - about the size of a pencil dot. One of the now 3mm spots was on ALL of the prior CT scans - since my surgery actually. It has always been 2mm and was believed to be a benign scar spot or something from a foreign body maybe? or an old infection? But, now that one is 3mm. Is it due to a different slice on the CT scan which hit the measurement differently? Or is it an old benign spot which has become irritated or gathered congestion or something? Or is it a growing mets - along with the other four? :-(
I held on until Thursday (barely), and saw Dr Haas, my oncologist at Penn. She compared the actual scans, not just the reports, with the assistance of a Penn Radiologist. That radiologist said that my chances are good that the spots are NOT cancer, even though my previous metastasis was to my lung. Many people have benign spots show up in their lungs that are really not serious, such as from inhaled / aspirated particles, congestion etc. I have some reflux and post nasal drip things going on that maybe could account for something other than cancer speckling my lungs. Maybe......... Seems unlikely to ME, but they insist this is really more likely than lung metastases. :-/ The spots are too small to needle biopsy and much too small and deep to try to remove surgically, especially if in fact they are not cancer.
So, I have to wait till the last week of June, try to get the reflux and allergy (?) stuff more controlled, take good care of myself, and see if the spots grow or shrink or stay the same. If I start chemo now, and they shrink, we will not know if they would have shrunk on their own without chemo. If they shrink on their own, we will know they either were not cancer, OR my body / immune system is fighting them if they are cancer. If they grow - Dr Haas assures me that they are SO tiny there is no way 11 weeks is too long to wait to start chemo, A scan in 6-8 weeks would not show changes significant enough to be measured.
If I do need chemo, several new drugs for kidney cancer have been approved since I took Sutent. Not sure if they would try Sutent again, since maybe it worked before. Or not, since maybe it didn't work before?? :-/ Can you tell this is all a big unknown for me right now?
So, obviously, it is going to be a long 11 weeks, waiting for the next CT scan results. Please pray with and for me as I come to mind. I do not relish the thought of being on chemo again. It was HARD. And even more so, I do not want to die! I had gotten to the point of really expecting clear scans - silly me! The oncologist says I really have to look at myself as a life-long cancer patient. When the scans are clear it does not mean I am cured, it just means nothing is growing...... She gave me quite a pep talk about caring for myself and having a positive attitude and really believing I can beat this disease again if it is cancer. And meanwhile, trying to assume it is not cancer until we know otherwise.
I still know that God has had the number of my days in His book since the beginning of time, and that all of this is for His purposes, that should I die of cancer sooner or later or never have cancer again, God is STILL GOD. And I am here to do what He asks of me, one day at a time. It isn't always easy. But He never promised that!
Please also pray for Charles and the kids. These scary doctor appointments are hard on us all!
Love and thank you so much!
Karen
Prov 3:5-6
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)