Thursday was a hard day for our family as I learned that my periodic follow-up MRIs showed a 1cm 'nodule' on my left, and only, kidney. There is near certainty that this will be cancer as was the tumor which caused me to lose my right kidney 4 1/2 years ago. Most likely it is a new cancer, not a metastases, from what the oncologist said. So, both of my kidneys, it now appears, are prone to producing cancer cells. but I do not, however, carry the gene for a genetic predisposition to kidney cancer (my biological children are thankful for THAT!) The right kidney tumor was 15.5 cm when discovered, and had spread to a 1cm mets on my R lower lung. This one is MUCH smaller, which is certainly a praise, but of course no tumors are good news.
I will see my kidney surgeon at Lankenau next week. He had already seen the report that was cc'd to him before hearing from my Penn Oncologist today. They both will be gathering information and discussing options. The Penn Doc knows and has great respect for my Lankenau surgeon which was comforting. If necessary I will seek other opinions also. Since the 'nodule' is small, we are hopeful that it has not metastasized and can be removed relatively easily. However, since I only have one kidney it is vitally important that my kidney tissue and function be preserved as much as possible and that surgery be conservative and extremely well planned and thought out.
In addition I have had 3 measurable (2mm, 3mm, 3mm) spots on my R and L upper lung x 3 scans since April, which have not changed in size at all, plus 2 spots they call "ditzels" meaning they are almost too small to measure. All of the lung spots are still too small to be biopsied or removed, These may be nothing, as benign lung spots are not that uncommon, and they have not changed in size in the last 7-8 months. However, in light now of the kidney nodule, these are also now under more suspicion. So, we will be watching the lung spots even more closely, and reconsidering as we go along, what if any action needs to be taken about them.
There is a lot we don't know yet, and taking it one day at a time will be VERY hard. But, what we DO know is that God is still God, and that He loves us, and that He will use this trial, along with many other trials our family has faced in the last 5 or so years, for HIS GLORY and to refine and strengthen our faith. Please pray for me and for my family, that we would learn the lessons God continues to teach us and that we would depend on Him for our joy, no matter what our circumstances.
I am grateful today for our medical insurance and the excellent doctors and hospitals I am blessed to have access to, and most importantly for loving friends and family who surround us and pray for us.
Thank you all so much!
Karen
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
~Romans 15:13
Friday, November 18, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
Nodules "Stable"
For those who do not know, in June 2007 I was suddenly diagnosed with stage IV Kidney cancer which had spread to one spot on my lung. My kidney with its large tumor, and a small section of my lung, were removed at that time. I took chemo for a year to hopefully prevent a recurrence. I have had routine follow-up scans to watch for a recurrence, which have been all clear for almost 4 years. In April, the CT scan showed 3 small spots on my lungs, as well as 2 'ditzels' (too small to measure). I was devastated!
This Monday, I had a 3 month repeat CT scan at Lankenau. Monday evening my family doctor intercepted the report and called and left a short message, "Karen, the nodules are stable, this is very good news!". That was an initial help from my MAJOR anxiety that had been building for the last three months!
I saw my oncologist at Penn Thursday afternoon. I was hoping she would say, "Ok, since the spots did not change, they 'definitely' are not cancer". Of course she didn't say that! Well, she said they PROBABLY are not cancer. The chances are better and better that they are not cancer every time we scan and they have not grown. But, really, who knows? They might be cancer that is dormant / indolent, which might never grow, might be attacked and shrunken by my own immune system, might stay this size forever.... might.... might ..... might..... Or, they could be scarring from reflux or an allergy or a fungal infection, or a cause we will never know.
Lung nodules of this small size are not that uncommon in the general population. They are too small to even be seen on x-ray. Only CT scans would have picked them up. In those with no cancer history, they would be of little concern and would only receive follow-up 12-18 months later. But, of course I am at high risk, so we will keep watching to see what they do. So, another CT scan in 4 months, and on we go, spreading out the interval between scans if they do not change, treating them if they do change.
So I am trying to go back to the "get on with your life until told otherwise" approach that I WAS in up until the April scans threw me for a loop. :-/
The last three months of waiting were very hard! FEAR really tried to overtake me. I wanted to be ready to accept bad news, and ready to rejoice in good news, and it is really HARD to be in both those places emotionally at the same time. God, in His providence, provided many 'distractions' to keep my from being overwhelmed by fear, including an imploded water heater which flooded our family room and schoolroom on May 13th. It was a blessing in disguise, really. Homeowners insurance reimbursed us for all the removal of carpet and potentially wet drywall, trim and insulation, and the repairs. We had been having trouble with the drainage from the washer and basement shower and so since all the rest was ripped out, Charles started jack-hammering the basement floor out until he found and repaired a large section of sewer pipe from the laundry room and bathroom and redid the concrete over it all (32 bags of concrete on a Saturday - we know how to have a fun 'date night'.... yikes!) Anyway my house is torn apart and furniture from family room is stashed in every other part of the house until we can finish all this work! But, it did take my mind off my cancer scare a bit! Thank you Lord!
THANK YOU for praying for me through this difficult time! Please keep praying, of course I want these spots not to be cancer, and hopefully they are not. But I really need to learn to live each day not knowing, but trusting that God is God no matter what. I know He can choose to heal me from cancer forever, or allow chemo to be a part of my life for a long time, or allow the cancer to take me to heaven, and I want to be faithful to Him no matter what He allows. Still, fear is a battle that goes on in my heart and I would love to win that battle! My ladies' Bible Study topic this week was on fear - how about that! Guess He really wants me to learn this lesson!
Love
Karen
Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
This Monday, I had a 3 month repeat CT scan at Lankenau. Monday evening my family doctor intercepted the report and called and left a short message, "Karen, the nodules are stable, this is very good news!". That was an initial help from my MAJOR anxiety that had been building for the last three months!
I saw my oncologist at Penn Thursday afternoon. I was hoping she would say, "Ok, since the spots did not change, they 'definitely' are not cancer". Of course she didn't say that! Well, she said they PROBABLY are not cancer. The chances are better and better that they are not cancer every time we scan and they have not grown. But, really, who knows? They might be cancer that is dormant / indolent, which might never grow, might be attacked and shrunken by my own immune system, might stay this size forever.... might.... might ..... might..... Or, they could be scarring from reflux or an allergy or a fungal infection, or a cause we will never know.
Lung nodules of this small size are not that uncommon in the general population. They are too small to even be seen on x-ray. Only CT scans would have picked them up. In those with no cancer history, they would be of little concern and would only receive follow-up 12-18 months later. But, of course I am at high risk, so we will keep watching to see what they do. So, another CT scan in 4 months, and on we go, spreading out the interval between scans if they do not change, treating them if they do change.
So I am trying to go back to the "get on with your life until told otherwise" approach that I WAS in up until the April scans threw me for a loop. :-/
The last three months of waiting were very hard! FEAR really tried to overtake me. I wanted to be ready to accept bad news, and ready to rejoice in good news, and it is really HARD to be in both those places emotionally at the same time. God, in His providence, provided many 'distractions' to keep my from being overwhelmed by fear, including an imploded water heater which flooded our family room and schoolroom on May 13th. It was a blessing in disguise, really. Homeowners insurance reimbursed us for all the removal of carpet and potentially wet drywall, trim and insulation, and the repairs. We had been having trouble with the drainage from the washer and basement shower and so since all the rest was ripped out, Charles started jack-hammering the basement floor out until he found and repaired a large section of sewer pipe from the laundry room and bathroom and redid the concrete over it all (32 bags of concrete on a Saturday - we know how to have a fun 'date night'.... yikes!) Anyway my house is torn apart and furniture from family room is stashed in every other part of the house until we can finish all this work! But, it did take my mind off my cancer scare a bit! Thank you Lord!
THANK YOU for praying for me through this difficult time! Please keep praying, of course I want these spots not to be cancer, and hopefully they are not. But I really need to learn to live each day not knowing, but trusting that God is God no matter what. I know He can choose to heal me from cancer forever, or allow chemo to be a part of my life for a long time, or allow the cancer to take me to heaven, and I want to be faithful to Him no matter what He allows. Still, fear is a battle that goes on in my heart and I would love to win that battle! My ladies' Bible Study topic this week was on fear - how about that! Guess He really wants me to learn this lesson!
Love
Karen
Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
Monday, April 25, 2011
Prayer Needed
Dear Friends,
I have not been posting on the blog much, since I have been cancer free almost 4 years now. Not sure if anyone still reads it anyway! But I do need prayer.
I had my scans at Lankenau, as usual, last week. The MRI's of abdomen and pelvis were again clear, but the CT scan of my lungs came back Tuesday and showed 3 very small spots. :-(
I was SO SAD!!!!! SO SAD!
One spot is 2mm, two of them are 3mm. There are also 2 spots that are too small to measure - about the size of a pencil dot. One of the now 3mm spots was on ALL of the prior CT scans - since my surgery actually. It has always been 2mm and was believed to be a benign scar spot or something from a foreign body maybe? or an old infection? But, now that one is 3mm. Is it due to a different slice on the CT scan which hit the measurement differently? Or is it an old benign spot which has become irritated or gathered congestion or something? Or is it a growing mets - along with the other four? :-(
I held on until Thursday (barely), and saw Dr Haas, my oncologist at Penn. She compared the actual scans, not just the reports, with the assistance of a Penn Radiologist. That radiologist said that my chances are good that the spots are NOT cancer, even though my previous metastasis was to my lung. Many people have benign spots show up in their lungs that are really not serious, such as from inhaled / aspirated particles, congestion etc. I have some reflux and post nasal drip things going on that maybe could account for something other than cancer speckling my lungs. Maybe......... Seems unlikely to ME, but they insist this is really more likely than lung metastases. :-/ The spots are too small to needle biopsy and much too small and deep to try to remove surgically, especially if in fact they are not cancer.
So, I have to wait till the last week of June, try to get the reflux and allergy (?) stuff more controlled, take good care of myself, and see if the spots grow or shrink or stay the same. If I start chemo now, and they shrink, we will not know if they would have shrunk on their own without chemo. If they shrink on their own, we will know they either were not cancer, OR my body / immune system is fighting them if they are cancer. If they grow - Dr Haas assures me that they are SO tiny there is no way 11 weeks is too long to wait to start chemo, A scan in 6-8 weeks would not show changes significant enough to be measured.
If I do need chemo, several new drugs for kidney cancer have been approved since I took Sutent. Not sure if they would try Sutent again, since maybe it worked before. Or not, since maybe it didn't work before?? :-/ Can you tell this is all a big unknown for me right now?
So, obviously, it is going to be a long 11 weeks, waiting for the next CT scan results. Please pray with and for me as I come to mind. I do not relish the thought of being on chemo again. It was HARD. And even more so, I do not want to die! I had gotten to the point of really expecting clear scans - silly me! The oncologist says I really have to look at myself as a life-long cancer patient. When the scans are clear it does not mean I am cured, it just means nothing is growing...... She gave me quite a pep talk about caring for myself and having a positive attitude and really believing I can beat this disease again if it is cancer. And meanwhile, trying to assume it is not cancer until we know otherwise.
I still know that God has had the number of my days in His book since the beginning of time, and that all of this is for His purposes, that should I die of cancer sooner or later or never have cancer again, God is STILL GOD. And I am here to do what He asks of me, one day at a time. It isn't always easy. But He never promised that!
Please also pray for Charles and the kids. These scary doctor appointments are hard on us all!
Love and thank you so much!
Karen
Prov 3:5-6
I have not been posting on the blog much, since I have been cancer free almost 4 years now. Not sure if anyone still reads it anyway! But I do need prayer.
I had my scans at Lankenau, as usual, last week. The MRI's of abdomen and pelvis were again clear, but the CT scan of my lungs came back Tuesday and showed 3 very small spots. :-(
I was SO SAD!!!!! SO SAD!
One spot is 2mm, two of them are 3mm. There are also 2 spots that are too small to measure - about the size of a pencil dot. One of the now 3mm spots was on ALL of the prior CT scans - since my surgery actually. It has always been 2mm and was believed to be a benign scar spot or something from a foreign body maybe? or an old infection? But, now that one is 3mm. Is it due to a different slice on the CT scan which hit the measurement differently? Or is it an old benign spot which has become irritated or gathered congestion or something? Or is it a growing mets - along with the other four? :-(
I held on until Thursday (barely), and saw Dr Haas, my oncologist at Penn. She compared the actual scans, not just the reports, with the assistance of a Penn Radiologist. That radiologist said that my chances are good that the spots are NOT cancer, even though my previous metastasis was to my lung. Many people have benign spots show up in their lungs that are really not serious, such as from inhaled / aspirated particles, congestion etc. I have some reflux and post nasal drip things going on that maybe could account for something other than cancer speckling my lungs. Maybe......... Seems unlikely to ME, but they insist this is really more likely than lung metastases. :-/ The spots are too small to needle biopsy and much too small and deep to try to remove surgically, especially if in fact they are not cancer.
So, I have to wait till the last week of June, try to get the reflux and allergy (?) stuff more controlled, take good care of myself, and see if the spots grow or shrink or stay the same. If I start chemo now, and they shrink, we will not know if they would have shrunk on their own without chemo. If they shrink on their own, we will know they either were not cancer, OR my body / immune system is fighting them if they are cancer. If they grow - Dr Haas assures me that they are SO tiny there is no way 11 weeks is too long to wait to start chemo, A scan in 6-8 weeks would not show changes significant enough to be measured.
If I do need chemo, several new drugs for kidney cancer have been approved since I took Sutent. Not sure if they would try Sutent again, since maybe it worked before. Or not, since maybe it didn't work before?? :-/ Can you tell this is all a big unknown for me right now?
So, obviously, it is going to be a long 11 weeks, waiting for the next CT scan results. Please pray with and for me as I come to mind. I do not relish the thought of being on chemo again. It was HARD. And even more so, I do not want to die! I had gotten to the point of really expecting clear scans - silly me! The oncologist says I really have to look at myself as a life-long cancer patient. When the scans are clear it does not mean I am cured, it just means nothing is growing...... She gave me quite a pep talk about caring for myself and having a positive attitude and really believing I can beat this disease again if it is cancer. And meanwhile, trying to assume it is not cancer until we know otherwise.
I still know that God has had the number of my days in His book since the beginning of time, and that all of this is for His purposes, that should I die of cancer sooner or later or never have cancer again, God is STILL GOD. And I am here to do what He asks of me, one day at a time. It isn't always easy. But He never promised that!
Please also pray for Charles and the kids. These scary doctor appointments are hard on us all!
Love and thank you so much!
Karen
Prov 3:5-6
Saturday, July 10, 2010
THREE YEARS!
Thank you LORD. June 6, 2010, marked three years since my surgery! I forgot to post on the blog - I was so busy graduating Anya, (we are over the hump now - 4 down, "only" 3 to go!!) and planning her grad party which we combined with July 4th, one of her favorite holidays. I am thankful for each kid's birthday, graduation, wedding or adoption anniversary, and each holiday and season that I get to enjoy, savoring each one as a "bonus"! All of them are things I felt I might not ever see when I looked forward three years ago. I know that all my days are in His hands, and I might not stay cancer free forever. But, maybe I will! :-) Either way, He is God!
And here is a miracle - we finally got the settlement from the truck accident!!!!! FIVE YEARS afterward, and much less than our losses from the accident, but at least it is OVER. Our new lawyer, Dennis Abrams, was great. A godly man, with integrity, which we appreciated so very much after the terrible treatment we got from our prior attorney who handled the case so badly. Anyway, we are through that valley now, and God sustained us. It was a hard, hard road, but, we did not lose our home, business or health insurance.... we had enough to eat although often not until the day we needed it! We have paid many creditors back and can breathe a bit now and begin to climb back the rest of the way! We are THANKFUL. Hopefully we have learned the lessons that God had for us, and are stronger as a result of the trials we have been through the last five years.
Thank you each so MUCH for standing with us through the storms of life! I am SO grateful for your concern for me and my family. Life here continues to be C R A Z Y - with 5 kids at home, aged 20, 19, 17, 14, and 12 that keep us BUSY - so please keep praying as we come to mind. We need it! :-)
Next scans end of August....... I will post in early September!
And here is a miracle - we finally got the settlement from the truck accident!!!!! FIVE YEARS afterward, and much less than our losses from the accident, but at least it is OVER. Our new lawyer, Dennis Abrams, was great. A godly man, with integrity, which we appreciated so very much after the terrible treatment we got from our prior attorney who handled the case so badly. Anyway, we are through that valley now, and God sustained us. It was a hard, hard road, but, we did not lose our home, business or health insurance.... we had enough to eat although often not until the day we needed it! We have paid many creditors back and can breathe a bit now and begin to climb back the rest of the way! We are THANKFUL. Hopefully we have learned the lessons that God had for us, and are stronger as a result of the trials we have been through the last five years.
Thank you each so MUCH for standing with us through the storms of life! I am SO grateful for your concern for me and my family. Life here continues to be C R A Z Y - with 5 kids at home, aged 20, 19, 17, 14, and 12 that keep us BUSY - so please keep praying as we come to mind. We need it! :-)
Next scans end of August....... I will post in early September!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
GREAT NEWS AGAIN!
I am so thankful, once again, for the blessing of another set of clear scans this week! It will be 3 years in June since my diagnosis. I am so grateful for each day that I have had, and am actually starting to allow myself to believe that I might stay cancer free forever! I am hesitant to get my hopes up, but the doctors say that the longer I go with clear scans, the better and better my chances are of remaining cancer free. Even if it does eventually come back, the fact that it is taking a long time to do so means it would likely be slow growing and more easily treated again.
So, back to our crazy lives with 5 kids at home in various stages of "tween / teen / still basically a teen" (ages 12, 14, 16, 19, 20). Please pray for our parenting as there have been some challenging days lately with a kid or two. :-) Our grown up daughters and sons-in-law are doing well and we get to see them often.
Our business is still struggling in this economy, and the truck accident settlement is STILL held up in red tape. Please pray that the reimbursement we need would be released SOON. Last news is that the judge is required to sign off in the next 21 days, and then we should be 30 days away, but we have heard this stuff many times before. So we will believe it when we see it. Meanwhile the Lord is sustaining us little by little, day by day, like the manna in the wilderness. But we are so TIRED of the stress. We really do appreciate your prayers for us in this "waiting room" we are in. We are working as hard as we can to keep the business moving forward, but it is tough with the accident losses weighing us down and the economy struggling too.
Dear Dona Dean went to be with the Lord in November, from the same cancer I had. She was such an example of faith and trust in the Lord through each day of her life. Please pray for her husband and children. Her adult daughter Kelly has much on her plate, as she lives at her parents' home with 2 small children of her own and is helping to fill Dona's shoes now, in caring for her young twin sisters too.
If you are reading this blog after all this time, and still praying for me, thank you SO MUCH. I know some of you have asked me or my family how I am doing and I am very grateful for each of you caring so much about us.
Thank you!
So, back to our crazy lives with 5 kids at home in various stages of "tween / teen / still basically a teen" (ages 12, 14, 16, 19, 20). Please pray for our parenting as there have been some challenging days lately with a kid or two. :-) Our grown up daughters and sons-in-law are doing well and we get to see them often.
Our business is still struggling in this economy, and the truck accident settlement is STILL held up in red tape. Please pray that the reimbursement we need would be released SOON. Last news is that the judge is required to sign off in the next 21 days, and then we should be 30 days away, but we have heard this stuff many times before. So we will believe it when we see it. Meanwhile the Lord is sustaining us little by little, day by day, like the manna in the wilderness. But we are so TIRED of the stress. We really do appreciate your prayers for us in this "waiting room" we are in. We are working as hard as we can to keep the business moving forward, but it is tough with the accident losses weighing us down and the economy struggling too.
Dear Dona Dean went to be with the Lord in November, from the same cancer I had. She was such an example of faith and trust in the Lord through each day of her life. Please pray for her husband and children. Her adult daughter Kelly has much on her plate, as she lives at her parents' home with 2 small children of her own and is helping to fill Dona's shoes now, in caring for her young twin sisters too.
If you are reading this blog after all this time, and still praying for me, thank you SO MUCH. I know some of you have asked me or my family how I am doing and I am very grateful for each of you caring so much about us.
Thank you!
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