For those who do not know, in June 2007 I was suddenly diagnosed with stage IV Kidney cancer which had spread to one spot on my lung. My kidney with its large tumor, and a small section of my lung, were removed at that time. I took chemo for a year to hopefully prevent a recurrence. I have had routine follow-up scans to watch for a recurrence, which have been all clear for almost 4 years. In April, the CT scan showed 3 small spots on my lungs, as well as 2 'ditzels' (too small to measure). I was devastated!
This Monday, I had a 3 month repeat CT scan at Lankenau. Monday evening my family doctor intercepted the report and called and left a short message, "Karen, the nodules are stable, this is very good news!". That was an initial help from my MAJOR anxiety that had been building for the last three months!
I saw my oncologist at Penn Thursday afternoon. I was hoping she would say, "Ok, since the spots did not change, they 'definitely' are not cancer". Of course she didn't say that! Well, she said they PROBABLY are not cancer. The chances are better and better that they are not cancer every time we scan and they have not grown. But, really, who knows? They might be cancer that is dormant / indolent, which might never grow, might be attacked and shrunken by my own immune system, might stay this size forever.... might.... might ..... might..... Or, they could be scarring from reflux or an allergy or a fungal infection, or a cause we will never know.
Lung nodules of this small size are not that uncommon in the general population. They are too small to even be seen on x-ray. Only CT scans would have picked them up. In those with no cancer history, they would be of little concern and would only receive follow-up 12-18 months later. But, of course I am at high risk, so we will keep watching to see what they do. So, another CT scan in 4 months, and on we go, spreading out the interval between scans if they do not change, treating them if they do change.
So I am trying to go back to the "get on with your life until told otherwise" approach that I WAS in up until the April scans threw me for a loop. :-/
The last three months of waiting were very hard! FEAR really tried to overtake me. I wanted to be ready to accept bad news, and ready to rejoice in good news, and it is really HARD to be in both those places emotionally at the same time. God, in His providence, provided many 'distractions' to keep my from being overwhelmed by fear, including an imploded water heater which flooded our family room and schoolroom on May 13th. It was a blessing in disguise, really. Homeowners insurance reimbursed us for all the removal of carpet and potentially wet drywall, trim and insulation, and the repairs. We had been having trouble with the drainage from the washer and basement shower and so since all the rest was ripped out, Charles started jack-hammering the basement floor out until he found and repaired a large section of sewer pipe from the laundry room and bathroom and redid the concrete over it all (32 bags of concrete on a Saturday - we know how to have a fun 'date night'.... yikes!) Anyway my house is torn apart and furniture from family room is stashed in every other part of the house until we can finish all this work! But, it did take my mind off my cancer scare a bit! Thank you Lord!
THANK YOU for praying for me through this difficult time! Please keep praying, of course I want these spots not to be cancer, and hopefully they are not. But I really need to learn to live each day not knowing, but trusting that God is God no matter what. I know He can choose to heal me from cancer forever, or allow chemo to be a part of my life for a long time, or allow the cancer to take me to heaven, and I want to be faithful to Him no matter what He allows. Still, fear is a battle that goes on in my heart and I would love to win that battle! My ladies' Bible Study topic this week was on fear - how about that! Guess He really wants me to learn this lesson!
Love
Karen
Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
Friday, July 1, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Prayer Needed
Dear Friends,
I have not been posting on the blog much, since I have been cancer free almost 4 years now. Not sure if anyone still reads it anyway! But I do need prayer.
I had my scans at Lankenau, as usual, last week. The MRI's of abdomen and pelvis were again clear, but the CT scan of my lungs came back Tuesday and showed 3 very small spots. :-(
I was SO SAD!!!!! SO SAD!
One spot is 2mm, two of them are 3mm. There are also 2 spots that are too small to measure - about the size of a pencil dot. One of the now 3mm spots was on ALL of the prior CT scans - since my surgery actually. It has always been 2mm and was believed to be a benign scar spot or something from a foreign body maybe? or an old infection? But, now that one is 3mm. Is it due to a different slice on the CT scan which hit the measurement differently? Or is it an old benign spot which has become irritated or gathered congestion or something? Or is it a growing mets - along with the other four? :-(
I held on until Thursday (barely), and saw Dr Haas, my oncologist at Penn. She compared the actual scans, not just the reports, with the assistance of a Penn Radiologist. That radiologist said that my chances are good that the spots are NOT cancer, even though my previous metastasis was to my lung. Many people have benign spots show up in their lungs that are really not serious, such as from inhaled / aspirated particles, congestion etc. I have some reflux and post nasal drip things going on that maybe could account for something other than cancer speckling my lungs. Maybe......... Seems unlikely to ME, but they insist this is really more likely than lung metastases. :-/ The spots are too small to needle biopsy and much too small and deep to try to remove surgically, especially if in fact they are not cancer.
So, I have to wait till the last week of June, try to get the reflux and allergy (?) stuff more controlled, take good care of myself, and see if the spots grow or shrink or stay the same. If I start chemo now, and they shrink, we will not know if they would have shrunk on their own without chemo. If they shrink on their own, we will know they either were not cancer, OR my body / immune system is fighting them if they are cancer. If they grow - Dr Haas assures me that they are SO tiny there is no way 11 weeks is too long to wait to start chemo, A scan in 6-8 weeks would not show changes significant enough to be measured.
If I do need chemo, several new drugs for kidney cancer have been approved since I took Sutent. Not sure if they would try Sutent again, since maybe it worked before. Or not, since maybe it didn't work before?? :-/ Can you tell this is all a big unknown for me right now?
So, obviously, it is going to be a long 11 weeks, waiting for the next CT scan results. Please pray with and for me as I come to mind. I do not relish the thought of being on chemo again. It was HARD. And even more so, I do not want to die! I had gotten to the point of really expecting clear scans - silly me! The oncologist says I really have to look at myself as a life-long cancer patient. When the scans are clear it does not mean I am cured, it just means nothing is growing...... She gave me quite a pep talk about caring for myself and having a positive attitude and really believing I can beat this disease again if it is cancer. And meanwhile, trying to assume it is not cancer until we know otherwise.
I still know that God has had the number of my days in His book since the beginning of time, and that all of this is for His purposes, that should I die of cancer sooner or later or never have cancer again, God is STILL GOD. And I am here to do what He asks of me, one day at a time. It isn't always easy. But He never promised that!
Please also pray for Charles and the kids. These scary doctor appointments are hard on us all!
Love and thank you so much!
Karen
Prov 3:5-6
I have not been posting on the blog much, since I have been cancer free almost 4 years now. Not sure if anyone still reads it anyway! But I do need prayer.
I had my scans at Lankenau, as usual, last week. The MRI's of abdomen and pelvis were again clear, but the CT scan of my lungs came back Tuesday and showed 3 very small spots. :-(
I was SO SAD!!!!! SO SAD!
One spot is 2mm, two of them are 3mm. There are also 2 spots that are too small to measure - about the size of a pencil dot. One of the now 3mm spots was on ALL of the prior CT scans - since my surgery actually. It has always been 2mm and was believed to be a benign scar spot or something from a foreign body maybe? or an old infection? But, now that one is 3mm. Is it due to a different slice on the CT scan which hit the measurement differently? Or is it an old benign spot which has become irritated or gathered congestion or something? Or is it a growing mets - along with the other four? :-(
I held on until Thursday (barely), and saw Dr Haas, my oncologist at Penn. She compared the actual scans, not just the reports, with the assistance of a Penn Radiologist. That radiologist said that my chances are good that the spots are NOT cancer, even though my previous metastasis was to my lung. Many people have benign spots show up in their lungs that are really not serious, such as from inhaled / aspirated particles, congestion etc. I have some reflux and post nasal drip things going on that maybe could account for something other than cancer speckling my lungs. Maybe......... Seems unlikely to ME, but they insist this is really more likely than lung metastases. :-/ The spots are too small to needle biopsy and much too small and deep to try to remove surgically, especially if in fact they are not cancer.
So, I have to wait till the last week of June, try to get the reflux and allergy (?) stuff more controlled, take good care of myself, and see if the spots grow or shrink or stay the same. If I start chemo now, and they shrink, we will not know if they would have shrunk on their own without chemo. If they shrink on their own, we will know they either were not cancer, OR my body / immune system is fighting them if they are cancer. If they grow - Dr Haas assures me that they are SO tiny there is no way 11 weeks is too long to wait to start chemo, A scan in 6-8 weeks would not show changes significant enough to be measured.
If I do need chemo, several new drugs for kidney cancer have been approved since I took Sutent. Not sure if they would try Sutent again, since maybe it worked before. Or not, since maybe it didn't work before?? :-/ Can you tell this is all a big unknown for me right now?
So, obviously, it is going to be a long 11 weeks, waiting for the next CT scan results. Please pray with and for me as I come to mind. I do not relish the thought of being on chemo again. It was HARD. And even more so, I do not want to die! I had gotten to the point of really expecting clear scans - silly me! The oncologist says I really have to look at myself as a life-long cancer patient. When the scans are clear it does not mean I am cured, it just means nothing is growing...... She gave me quite a pep talk about caring for myself and having a positive attitude and really believing I can beat this disease again if it is cancer. And meanwhile, trying to assume it is not cancer until we know otherwise.
I still know that God has had the number of my days in His book since the beginning of time, and that all of this is for His purposes, that should I die of cancer sooner or later or never have cancer again, God is STILL GOD. And I am here to do what He asks of me, one day at a time. It isn't always easy. But He never promised that!
Please also pray for Charles and the kids. These scary doctor appointments are hard on us all!
Love and thank you so much!
Karen
Prov 3:5-6
Saturday, July 10, 2010
THREE YEARS!
Thank you LORD. June 6, 2010, marked three years since my surgery! I forgot to post on the blog - I was so busy graduating Anya, (we are over the hump now - 4 down, "only" 3 to go!!) and planning her grad party which we combined with July 4th, one of her favorite holidays. I am thankful for each kid's birthday, graduation, wedding or adoption anniversary, and each holiday and season that I get to enjoy, savoring each one as a "bonus"! All of them are things I felt I might not ever see when I looked forward three years ago. I know that all my days are in His hands, and I might not stay cancer free forever. But, maybe I will! :-) Either way, He is God!
And here is a miracle - we finally got the settlement from the truck accident!!!!! FIVE YEARS afterward, and much less than our losses from the accident, but at least it is OVER. Our new lawyer, Dennis Abrams, was great. A godly man, with integrity, which we appreciated so very much after the terrible treatment we got from our prior attorney who handled the case so badly. Anyway, we are through that valley now, and God sustained us. It was a hard, hard road, but, we did not lose our home, business or health insurance.... we had enough to eat although often not until the day we needed it! We have paid many creditors back and can breathe a bit now and begin to climb back the rest of the way! We are THANKFUL. Hopefully we have learned the lessons that God had for us, and are stronger as a result of the trials we have been through the last five years.
Thank you each so MUCH for standing with us through the storms of life! I am SO grateful for your concern for me and my family. Life here continues to be C R A Z Y - with 5 kids at home, aged 20, 19, 17, 14, and 12 that keep us BUSY - so please keep praying as we come to mind. We need it! :-)
Next scans end of August....... I will post in early September!
And here is a miracle - we finally got the settlement from the truck accident!!!!! FIVE YEARS afterward, and much less than our losses from the accident, but at least it is OVER. Our new lawyer, Dennis Abrams, was great. A godly man, with integrity, which we appreciated so very much after the terrible treatment we got from our prior attorney who handled the case so badly. Anyway, we are through that valley now, and God sustained us. It was a hard, hard road, but, we did not lose our home, business or health insurance.... we had enough to eat although often not until the day we needed it! We have paid many creditors back and can breathe a bit now and begin to climb back the rest of the way! We are THANKFUL. Hopefully we have learned the lessons that God had for us, and are stronger as a result of the trials we have been through the last five years.
Thank you each so MUCH for standing with us through the storms of life! I am SO grateful for your concern for me and my family. Life here continues to be C R A Z Y - with 5 kids at home, aged 20, 19, 17, 14, and 12 that keep us BUSY - so please keep praying as we come to mind. We need it! :-)
Next scans end of August....... I will post in early September!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
GREAT NEWS AGAIN!
I am so thankful, once again, for the blessing of another set of clear scans this week! It will be 3 years in June since my diagnosis. I am so grateful for each day that I have had, and am actually starting to allow myself to believe that I might stay cancer free forever! I am hesitant to get my hopes up, but the doctors say that the longer I go with clear scans, the better and better my chances are of remaining cancer free. Even if it does eventually come back, the fact that it is taking a long time to do so means it would likely be slow growing and more easily treated again.
So, back to our crazy lives with 5 kids at home in various stages of "tween / teen / still basically a teen" (ages 12, 14, 16, 19, 20). Please pray for our parenting as there have been some challenging days lately with a kid or two. :-) Our grown up daughters and sons-in-law are doing well and we get to see them often.
Our business is still struggling in this economy, and the truck accident settlement is STILL held up in red tape. Please pray that the reimbursement we need would be released SOON. Last news is that the judge is required to sign off in the next 21 days, and then we should be 30 days away, but we have heard this stuff many times before. So we will believe it when we see it. Meanwhile the Lord is sustaining us little by little, day by day, like the manna in the wilderness. But we are so TIRED of the stress. We really do appreciate your prayers for us in this "waiting room" we are in. We are working as hard as we can to keep the business moving forward, but it is tough with the accident losses weighing us down and the economy struggling too.
Dear Dona Dean went to be with the Lord in November, from the same cancer I had. She was such an example of faith and trust in the Lord through each day of her life. Please pray for her husband and children. Her adult daughter Kelly has much on her plate, as she lives at her parents' home with 2 small children of her own and is helping to fill Dona's shoes now, in caring for her young twin sisters too.
If you are reading this blog after all this time, and still praying for me, thank you SO MUCH. I know some of you have asked me or my family how I am doing and I am very grateful for each of you caring so much about us.
Thank you!
So, back to our crazy lives with 5 kids at home in various stages of "tween / teen / still basically a teen" (ages 12, 14, 16, 19, 20). Please pray for our parenting as there have been some challenging days lately with a kid or two. :-) Our grown up daughters and sons-in-law are doing well and we get to see them often.
Our business is still struggling in this economy, and the truck accident settlement is STILL held up in red tape. Please pray that the reimbursement we need would be released SOON. Last news is that the judge is required to sign off in the next 21 days, and then we should be 30 days away, but we have heard this stuff many times before. So we will believe it when we see it. Meanwhile the Lord is sustaining us little by little, day by day, like the manna in the wilderness. But we are so TIRED of the stress. We really do appreciate your prayers for us in this "waiting room" we are in. We are working as hard as we can to keep the business moving forward, but it is tough with the accident losses weighing us down and the economy struggling too.
Dear Dona Dean went to be with the Lord in November, from the same cancer I had. She was such an example of faith and trust in the Lord through each day of her life. Please pray for her husband and children. Her adult daughter Kelly has much on her plate, as she lives at her parents' home with 2 small children of her own and is helping to fill Dona's shoes now, in caring for her young twin sisters too.
If you are reading this blog after all this time, and still praying for me, thank you SO MUCH. I know some of you have asked me or my family how I am doing and I am very grateful for each of you caring so much about us.
Thank you!
Friday, September 25, 2009
CLEAR AGAIN!
Praise God! Another set of "no evidence of metastatic disease" scans!!!! This was a hard wait, six months since the last ones. The longest they stretched me out yet. So the last few weeks I had a lot of "suspicious" aches and pains. As my family doctor said when she called to give me the good news (so I wouldn't have to wait until my oncology appointment), "well I bet those aches and pains will mostly disappear now, huh?" And they pretty much have. I am just plain going on 52, that's all. :-) I was 49 when diagnosed, so 52 sounds really happy to me. So, round about 52 and a half I will do the scan routine again. Each time I am clear my chances improve not to have a re-occurrence. Thank you, LORD, for the time I have been given, and thank you all for praying for me and for my family through it all.
Some really great news also, our son-in-law Joel just returned SAFE and SOUND from PA Army National Guard duty in Iraq!!!! We were privileged to be there when they marched into the welcome area at Ft Dix on Tuesday around noon. We are GRATEFUL, and our daughter Melissa is a happy girl too. :-)
We are all doing fine, but the economy in addition to our prior financial struggles from the truck accident, which we still have not recovered damages on, is really taking its toll on our small business. Add to that the PA state budget not being approved and folks in PA are just not buying or paying much the last few months. God is sustaining us day by day but it has been very stressful on both Charles and I. So, please pray for business to pick up. We are working hard trying to bring in new sales and complete the jobs we have as fast as possible, and we are exhausted!
My friend Dona Dean is on hospice now, with the same cancer I had. Please do pray for her and her family. She is looking forward to heaven. She is experiencing pain quite a lot now. Please pray she will be able to be as comfortable as possible, and that her husband, children and grandson will hang onto the Lord through this time.
Thank you so much to all who are still checking this blog, and PRAYING.
Love in Christ, our only anchor in the storms of life,
Karen
(Dearest Diana, if you are reading this, know that I am praying for your family, but am TERRIBLE at sending cards, even though YOU are wonderful at doing so. Please know I have been hurting for your precious family ever since the sadness you all experienced earlier this year)
Some really great news also, our son-in-law Joel just returned SAFE and SOUND from PA Army National Guard duty in Iraq!!!! We were privileged to be there when they marched into the welcome area at Ft Dix on Tuesday around noon. We are GRATEFUL, and our daughter Melissa is a happy girl too. :-)
We are all doing fine, but the economy in addition to our prior financial struggles from the truck accident, which we still have not recovered damages on, is really taking its toll on our small business. Add to that the PA state budget not being approved and folks in PA are just not buying or paying much the last few months. God is sustaining us day by day but it has been very stressful on both Charles and I. So, please pray for business to pick up. We are working hard trying to bring in new sales and complete the jobs we have as fast as possible, and we are exhausted!
My friend Dona Dean is on hospice now, with the same cancer I had. Please do pray for her and her family. She is looking forward to heaven. She is experiencing pain quite a lot now. Please pray she will be able to be as comfortable as possible, and that her husband, children and grandson will hang onto the Lord through this time.
Thank you so much to all who are still checking this blog, and PRAYING.
Love in Christ, our only anchor in the storms of life,
Karen
(Dearest Diana, if you are reading this, know that I am praying for your family, but am TERRIBLE at sending cards, even though YOU are wonderful at doing so. Please know I have been hurting for your precious family ever since the sadness you all experienced earlier this year)
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