Plodding along...through the mud.

Hello dear faithful friends,

I am finished 2 weeks of chemo this round, on the 25% lower dose. I have been tolerating it better so far. My mouth is sore and most things taste funny or metallic but not like acid at least - so that is an improvement! Still some GI issues but I can function ok in spite of them so far. I have not been too tired to manage things at home yet although around early evening I am pretty burnt out some days. We have some meals coming this week and next which will be a blessing as I really don't have much reserve energy but I am thankful to have been able to care for my family so far this round. It is really important for our kids to see me seeming as healthy as possible. They need to be kids and not be thinking about mommy being sick any more than necessary.

As soon as I finish this round of chemo (Oct 14) I will have another CAT scan to make sure no cancer is returning. I am not too worried about the results at this point but probably closer to that time I will be nervous. The test itself is a little bit unpleasant too- last time they gave me what seemed like a gallon of barium to drink, the IV leaked after several attempts to start it etc. oi vey!

I have an underlying notion (or is it God's peace?) that during this year on the chemo I will not see a reoccurance of the cancer, but that it is being held off at least for now. I have not yet convinced myself (or let the Holy Spirit convince me?) that it is never coming back. I have hope, but that is as far as my heart will allow me to go right now. I am putting some pressure on myself to make this year count for eternity as if it might be my last. Or maybe I should have been living that way all along and it's a lesson God is trying to teach me. Please pray I would have more peace, more joy and more grace in the months ahead. I know God is not finished teaching me yet. I am doing pretty well over all, but waves of fear do still hit me from time to time.

The cancer is becoming a "minor" issue these days compared to the insurance settlement delay. We are really so very, very discouraged about this and it drains both Charles and I emotionally. We were promised a written offer of settlement would be in our hands by 2 weeks ago OR we would be in non-binding mediation. No offer came, no mediation news, no answer from our lawyer even to two emails and a phone message that week and last week. Please PRAY that the agony of this wait to be reimbursed will soon come to an end. We are having a very hard time keeping our heads above water here, and it is really exhausting. We are really between a rock and a hard place and so need God to intervene on our behalf. This settlement will not be enough to dig us out of all the losses from the accident, most likely, but it will help. We still have the trucking company case locked up in Philadelphia court too - Judge Allen told us she would rule by the end of May..... it's now October.

Our kids are showing some signs of the stress. More meltdowns and fears coming to the surface for a few of them. Remember, these are kids who had their share of trauma prior to being adopted, and although we are trying very hard to protect them from the stress, and keep life as normal as possible for them, it is hard on all of us. Charles and I don' t have a lot of reserve emotional or physical energy to pour on them and they need all we have plus more. We are concerned about them.

Thank you so much for standing with us in the battle!! PLEASE KEEP PRAYING!

Hangin' onto hope,

Karen for all of us